Saturday, 15 February 2014

Did St. Valentine have bodyguards?

As Valentines has come and gone I wonder how special is Valentines Day really and why do we get obsessed so much? With or without a valentine are we all really being true to our feelings on the day and about the day? How do we really feel about our "valentine". My main question is how good is Valentines Day for us and our relationships and what are it's effects if any. 

So technically single on Valentines day but still with a date I thought to myself how much does one really care about the day and why is it such a big deal. I must admit I'm really a romantic at heart, but this year is very different from last years Valentines Day. The reason not because I am single this year and not single last year, but my feelings towards it have changed and certainly matured.

Everyone says "it's just a day" or "I should be shown love everyday". But the whole routine of it all begs me to question... Why do we single or not single put ourselves through it? Is it worth it and do we really know what we are doing in terms of showing our love and affection or rather not showing it purposefully.

No matter what stage you are in some kind of relationship whether it be just started going out or being in a long term relationship we are expected to show some kind of love and affection on this one day. Which is all fine and dandy but some of us forget to realise or even consider that valentines day can either corrupt and complicate a relationship or make it stronger. 


 Not until valentines day most people who are in a relationship have that awkward moment of realisation of.......... "where is this going" ? We also have to come to terms with facing the question " how much do I love this person, do I even love them or do I just love them or lust after them? 

As guys we have all been there. Its Valentines Day coming up and your in the card shop and your trying to find a card that doesnt say I LOVE YOU inside it. The reason why? Because you haven't even said it to your partner yet! Its not that some guys don't like Valentines but there is a certain pressure about the whole thing.  For women its especially a time where they put pressure on their relationships. This is because its the only time in the year where they sit down and really think about their feelings on their relationships and really start to examine how much affection their partner really shows them. 


But for us single people. I can sit here and say ... Oh yeh Valentines just depresses us and highlights how alone we are. But to me it's the time of year where we analyse why we are single. We really should be asking ourselves .... "what are we doing to stop being single, are we really putting ourseleves out there as much as we can" ?


One thing I thought about it was what the hype of valentines is doing to us as people and our relationships. Are we being as careful as we should be? No matter what stage of a realtionship your in, or even if your not in a realationship you should always have your guard up and be careful. We always forget this during Valentines. We all get so caught up and smoke gets in our eyes and we all get lovey dovey. But this does have effects on us all. It can take our relationships and develop them to the next emotional stage, or it can force our relationships and feelings into places that we are not ready for or shoul'dnt even be.

I know it sounds like i'm being scared of commitment. But that's not it. We think about LOVE far too much around valentines. But what if your not in love. What are those of us meant to do when we are still in that getting to know each other phase? Or what about those who have just started going out? For all of us in what ever stage we are in, we all force the idea of either love or progress into our relationships at the this one time of year. Relationship progression is never a bad thing. All I'm really trying to say is that we force it upon ourselves only really at one time of the year. But this can put strain on some realationships. Yes we should always ask ourselves "where is this going". But where are our guards when we need them. Sometimes thinking about things too much can ruin it.

During this season of love is there really any harm in having our guards up? We are forced to open up the flood gates of love and affection at one festive season? But is this not the time where we should be being careful and try not to ruin it? If you got a good thing going , why are we forced at this time of year to question it and is questioning everything such a good idea?

 The idea of love does not ruin things, but my question is are we really careful in terms of love?  Can the hype can put unnecessary pressure on us in a relationship or not. 

On valentines there is always pressure. But who is there to protect us?  and how much protection do we really need? Should we just let love be love. Or should we examine and analyse our own relationships and not have our guards up. Are we all just getting a bit too carried away and become stupid in love? Are we all too in love with the idea of love? Who is going to protect us from forcing ourselves to think about things way too much? We all have worries about of love life and relationships, but why at valentines do we chose this to be the only time to come to terms with it and act upon it. I think asking and analysing too much buts too many unnecessary thoughts into our heads. There is nothing wrong with exposing our true feelings, but we must always pick and chose the right time and place. We forget that we may not at the end of the day hear or get what we really want back.

 We forget and are scared that in the long run they may not feel the way you want them to or thought that they would about you. But also realise all this time you thought you happy, but really you weren't .

We expose ourselves and our relationship worries way too much during this festive season, and the thing about being exposed is once your out there, naked and exposed... you can't take that moment back, you've been seen and the image and the idea has been made.

And there's no one there to guard you but yourself. 


Sunday, 9 February 2014

My Version of Sex In The City


It's a sunday afternoon, I've booked the day off work to do more productive things like improve my career and go through paper work, but this is not what i'm doing. I've been watching Sex and the city since noon and having bed rest with a sprained shoulder. 

Watching Sex & The City as inspired me and made me think alot. Certainly made me go straight to the laptop and write this. Why, because I have recently been having the "Carrie experience". Take how I sprained my shoulder. I sprained it in a club, on a date and slipped on a wet floor fell over wearing fabulous shoes! and yes my date had to literally pick me off the floor. What a gentleman. How embarrassing. I really liked this guy as well so I thought to myslef, what the hell am I doing. I had broken all my rules. One of which was NEVER to go clubbing on a date, let alone a first date! . 

So why was I here, it started off so nice, we went to the Loft bar, a cool little hidden bar in clapham for late 20 somethings. We then moved onto a nice little gay bar down in north clapham. 2 hours later I was drunk in a club and falling over a wet floor in cuban hills with one of the hottest guys i've been out with in a while. I must have be nervous, but also wierdly a little too confident. 

Where did this confidence come from. Well it came from my past year dating experience. I was sitting there in my classic "1st date" outfit, my lucky undies on and holding the lofts finest china over sized wine glass, swerlling my wine around in this huge glass and flirting the hell out of this glass. But I knew exactly what I was doing. The reason why is because I had done it all before. And often.

Valentines day is upon us which is when I was just in my last relationship, since then i've been on dates with at least 7 different guys. Still not in a relationship (which is fine). My question is..... is this ok? Am I becoming abit to accustom to dating. I admit. Some of the guys would have made reasonable partners. But should I be looking for reasonable or should I be looking for Mr perfect?  Gone are the days were I am up in the club, having way too much fun then I should be having. I'm looking for I guess sensibility, something real, something meaningful. 

But I hate to admit it, I have loved dating so much in the past year! I have had so much fun and learned so much. Who doesn't like a free dinner or drinks and dressing up and going out. Its not all for nothing, I'm not dating for the sake of dating. But the attention has been nice. I've certainly not put myself on a pedestal. One guy I went on 6 dates with, but after all those diners, drinks and walks along the river it took too long for him to open up and he was just nice! But had no spice to him. I'm not talking about sex, I mean he was just there! 

Sometimes I ask myself... Do I really need spice and how important is it? Can you have a relationship with someone if your a dominate, outgoing and maybe a "Wild thing" in the words of Miss Hepburn and have the other person be a shy and timid person. I mean what is "marriage material"? Not too say i'm looking to get married soon, But what should I REALLY be looking for?

Should they be fun and exciting or does this not exist? Do the party animals change? Do we just stop wearing Zara, River Island and Dolace and instead start wearing Burtons and marks & Spencer basics and stay in and play house! Does the party ever end in London?

Any one who knows me knows that I have a reputation for going out with older guys. I'm somehow drawn to them and they drawn to me! But I do ask myself why this is. Am I just the fun play thing?, or do they really want to settle down but still need someone fun and bubbly in their life. My mother as well as my sister think I shouldn't be going out with older guys as we would be in different places in life and different. But yet why are they so attracted to me in the first place. I don't see myself a young whore play thing. This is because I don't sleep around town and they know I don't. I mean recently I having been thinking alot about marriage. I certainly do want to get married. But still want to sit down and have life experience. Part of this life experience I guess includes dating. 

I'm ready to get back into a relationship, but how does one put this across in subtle way? One guy I dated at the end of last year cried when I ended things. I don't meant to air out his dirty laundry and obviously I've not named names. I mean we were not even in a relationship. He was so nice but way to clingy too fast. This after alot of consideration put me off alot.

I mean at the time I was dating one other guy as well as him, So I didn't get my heart involved too quickly. You should always have your guard up! I've learned this. I did warn him as well. But I felt so bad, but I did not lead him on. People have said "oh this must be a huge boost for your self esteem ". To be honest it really has not. No one wants or likes a broken heart. But I did like the idea of having options and dating and meeting various guys. But most of all I liked the idea of sticking to the dating rules and tactics. 

I don't mean games or anything like that, but I like the whole procedure of it all. When to call them, what emocon to use on whats app, what shoes to wear? Knowing what to say and what time? How to change to conversation from where did you grown up and how many brothers and sisters do you have into something so much more passionate and deep.  
These days I don't even know my rules or procedures because the older I get , the more they change. 

I have grown up and moved on so much, Recently went to see Taylor Swift live. (wanted to see her for ages for very personal reasons). Anyone who knows anything about Miss Swift knows she is an amazing song writer and not just some frigid pop star. Her songs are emotionally very well written and she conveys every emotion i've ever had in terms of my love life. So seeing her live and hearing her talk about her life and us as swift fans knowing she's gone through what I have , should have brought me to tears. But it didn't. The reason? Because I was over it, and life actually is good, any heartbreak I've had and running around town with all these emotions has totally been transformed into just good life experience and lessons learned. But is that it? Have I learnt everything there is to learn emotionally when just dating. Has the wurl wind of it all been done and finished? 

As much as I love the idea of my dating life consisting of wearing fabulous clothes, having fabulous friends and sipping on martinis and "working it bitch" as britney would say...... and having the "carrie experience", In the long run is that really what I want and is it worth it going through all that to find Mr right? Didn't carrie just end up with the same guy, 6 years down the line what will be made of me? What will happen when i'm a 30 something instead of a 20 something! 

Will all I have left be good shoes and bar bills taking up too much space in my trouser pockets? Or Will I be leaving Paris in the wee hours of the morning running back to the love of my life, 

We will just have to wait and see........